Habit

Dull silence, worthy words.
Clenched Fists and mouths 
No whispers aloud.
Just screaming and crying thoughts,
Nerves and anxiousness.
Escaping through the only way I know how.
And hurt looks, 
That tear my heart every time,
So I tear me too.
Release emotions.
It hurts, but it hurts you too.
And it hurts me again because I know I've hurt you.

Growing guilt, silence still,
Makes it worse.
Wishes for smiles and hugs and soft spoken words.
Silence still.
Losing will.
Yell scream shout at myself.
You can stop.
Stop because it hurts her too.
Stop because you promised her to.
Stop because she's begging you to.
And however much I try I'm not strong enough,
Will gives up.
And comes blood. Then we leave.

Silence still. Words holding again.

Feel better.
Feel pathetic. Feel stupid. Feel guilty. Feel weak and ridiculous. And bad.

Cry for release.
Cry for a reason.
Silence still
Crying for hurting you.