The Demons in My Past

Chapter 1
Pandora sat alone at the white, plastic school dining table, her cane leaning against the side. The table was formerly white but now yellowed with age. She had turned every friend she had ever made against her and now had no one. She was isolated by personality and would be able to deal with her loneliness if her former friends would leave her alone and would stop trying to make her life hell. They had already won, Pan hated her life and anything extra they did was just a bonus to them. She couldn’t understand their motive for hating her so much and she was unsure about whether or not she wanted to. She picked up her black metal cane with flame prints on the side and twirled it like a baton. Her dirty blonde hair was today in a scruffy ponytail.

The rest of the day dragged on as if time had been put into slow motion. At last the day ended and Pan could go home. She entered her house and greeted her family like usual. Like any other normal day. She limped upstairs, put on some music. As für Elise sang through the speakers, Pan sat on the floor, suicide note in one hand, a bottle containing 22 sleeping pills and 500 ml of water in the other. She couldn’t take it anymore. She had to end it once and for all. Her life had become a bottomless pit of depression and she could see no other way out. She would wait until night at which time there would be no one to check up on Pan. So she hid the bottle and note in a hole in her wall and pretended like there was nothing wrong. She opened up her online messenger and typed out her plan.
Dinner was a dull affair for Pan. She sat at the dining table staring at her plate of burnt potatoes and “mystery meat” casserole with deep disgust. Her mother Linda picked at her dry salad, her bleached blonde hair clashed horribly with the bright pink tracksuit she always wore, while Derek, her mother’s boyfriend, asked Pan a continuous stream of questions. “So what lessons did you do today?” he asked with sincere interest. Pan liked Derek. He was not that bright but he was sweet. Pan muttered a short “nothing interesting.” in reply and Derek decided at last to start on his own dinner. He had the same meal as Pan but as he had made it, he could eat it. Pan’s mother wasn’t really the domestic sort. She would rather pay for take-away than cook a meal so left Derek to do the house care. Pandora’s cane was in her room as she found it easier to travel round the house without it.

At around 9:00 pm, Derek had to leave for his night-shift at work. He worked as a Magazine designer and often had to work nights so had to leave and work for a few hours. He got up, said goodbye to Pan and Linda before shutting the door with a quiet “snap.” As soon as Derek’s beige mustang had disappeared down the drive, Linda opened up the liquor cabinet and poured herself a large drink. Pan stood up and walked into the kitchen with her plate still full. She tipped it into the bin and put the plate in the dishwasher. Pan poured herself a glass of water and walked back into the living room. She took a sip then placed the glass on the coffee table.
Pan’s ankle ached from the walk. She had damaged her ankle aged 9, while she was out on a run. She had come across a park designed for motorbikes and BMXs and thought it a good idea to see if she could make the jump from one to another on foot. She fell in between the two ramps and her ankle twisted and the muscle had been torn. She had to walk with a cane ever since.
At this point, Linda had become quite drunk which was bad for Pan. “You’re a pathetic little tart and no one will ever love you.” Linda slurred to Pan as she sat on her sofa. “Thanks mum.” Pan replied.
“You disgust me. In fact, get out. I don’t want to see your horrible, ugly, fat face any longer.” Linda decided to add. Pandora looked down. She was actually quite thin but she had such a low self esteem that the mirror seemed to add another 3 or 4 stone to her reflection. “Fine.” Pan muttered in response as she started to walk out. “Hey! Don’t you dare walk out in a strop while I am talking to you!” Linda shouted, getting to her feet.
“You said you wanted me out of your sight!” Pan protested timidly, knowing what would come next. She flinched slightly in preparation as
Linda slapped Pandora hard around the face. “Don’t you be rude to me!” She screeched in anger. She grabbed Pan by the throat and slammed her into the wall. “I’m sorry!” Pandora choked, struggling to breathe.
“Get upstairs now!” Linda screamed at Pandora who limped up the stairs as fast as she could towards her room.

Pandora stormed into her bedroom. She suddenly turned and punched the wall, hard. Her knuckles began to bleed and she slid down the wall until she was sitting on the floor, leaning against it. She grabbed her cane and dragged herself along the wooden floorboards until she found the one she had pulled up as a hiding place. Inside was a collection of mirror shards which Pan had kept for times such as this. She pulled out a piece and at about half way up her arm, she decided to cut in a ring round her skin. The bleeding was stopped by a bandage which she kept in the hole. She tied it tightly and got on with her “plan.”
Pan sat, clutching the bottle of 22 pills of Ambien and water while she thought about her life. Her dad had left when Pan was 2 years old. He was shot when she was 7 for his wallet and phone. Pan’s mother Linda liked to take her anger out on Pan. Like some form of revenge, as if it had been Pandora’s fault. After she got tired of reminiscing, Pan unscrewed the top of her bottle and started to drink. She didn’t know how much she had drunk because she passed out…
It was 6 am when Pan woke up. There was sick everywhere and an empty bottle lay unscrewed on the floor. Pandora was still alive, much to her annoyance as she rose to her feet in disgust. The cut from yesterday stung like hell as she went into the bathroom, had a shower to wash off most of the vomit and turned on the bath for after. While the bath was running, Pan dizzily limped to the kitchen cabinet filled with disinfectant and bleach. She grabbed a load of bottles, filled a bucket with hot water, put the disinfectant bottles into the bucket and hooked the bucket to her cane. She limped back upstairs where she tipped the hot water over her mess and the covered the whole area in bleach and disinfectant. She left it to soak as she went and got into her bath without adding any cold water.
Pandora somehow managed to get ready for school despite her dizziness and the fact she felt like she would collapse at any moment. She got on her bus, paid for her ticket and limped towards an empty double seat. She sat down, got out her I-pod and listened to her music loudly. She still had a red ring round her neck and a bandage on her cut arm. She ignored all her pain as she stared blankly out of the window while being deafened by her music.
The lessons were another dull blur for Pan until it was lunch. She had sat alone in Math, drawing anime pictures on the back of her book. She had also been sitting alone in Music as well, listening to the funeral march repeatedly. Pandora now sat alone in the bustling canteen, refusing to eat. She had given up food as she wanted to lose weight so she just sipped at a bottle of water. Her mood was calm until “the pack” walked in; Hemmin Clarke, Pandora’s last best friend, followed by Demmi Finn. Pandora’s worst enemy, she hated Pan because Pan was once friends with Hemmin. Then there were the 2 groupies. Kathy and Rhynda. Both only hated Pan merely due to the other 2 hating her. They strutted into the room and looked around. They saw Pan and pounced. They walked towards her, grinning darkly. Pan knew how to stand up for herself and as soon as they were close enough, she whacked Demmi hard with her cane. Demmi was a short girl. She was also extremely thin, despite the fact she ate like a pig.
Demmi did not appreciate being hit with a cane and started to walk up to Pan in a threatening manner. Pan raised her cane in warning which deterred Demmi and her pack who kept to a safe distance away and stuck with standing there, hurling abuse at Pan. Pandora tried to ignore them but she couldn’t help but wonder why everyone hated her. While the pack stood there shouting insults at her, the rest of the school merely stood and watched, some laughed and joined in.
Pandora stared down at her knees; her eyes began to sting as the tears welled. The group continued to shout, “You’re a washed up slut! You’re a wannabe Emo!” etc. Pandora continued to sit, wishing that her plan could have worked. She wished she could have been dead. Pan got annoyed so she got to her feet, grabbed her cane and limped out of the room. She got to the corner of a dark corridor, reached into her pocket and took an Ambien pill. She had to admit it. She was an addict. She couldn’t stop taking them. They made her happy and they helped relieve her pain. She put the pills back in her pocket and limped towards her next lesson.
Pan’s next lesson was Physics. Her teacher, Professor Blake, stood in front of the class. A diagram of a nuclear power station was drawn messily on the board. Professor B. was explaining something technical; his shoulder-length blonde hair was messy, like straw but still looked quite fashionable. This teacher was probably Pandora’s favorite, simply because he was cool, but he was still as annoying as the rest. He wore sunglasses to summer lessons and rode a motorbike with an awesome leather jacket. Pan paid no attention to the teacher today; the bandage on her arm was rubbing against her skin making it itch. Blood had seeped through the material and looked pretty gory to the eye. Pan was so busy playing with the bandage that she didn’t notice Professor Blake standing behind her. It was only after he cleared his throat that Pandora turned to see him standing there. “How did you get that?” he asked in concern.
“It was an accident.” Pan muttered in response, looking down at her arm.
“Can you wait outside please?” He asked Pandora seriously, frowning deeply. Pandora stood up from the table which would have seated 6 but she sat at it alone. She grabbed her cane and limped out of the room.
She stood outside the door in a dingy, unclean corridor. Hardly any of the lights were working, giving the area an eerie glow. It dawned on her after a while that Blake was also a Student Protection manager at the school. This was not good news as the school had a strict “No self-harming policy”
Professor Blake left the classroom at last. He looked at Pandora for a moment then asked her to follow him. He led her into an empty classroom where she stood in the doorway for a moment, apprehensive about entering the room. After concluding that should the need arise, Pan could just call for help, she finally entered the room to find Professor Blake leaning against a desk, watching Pandora with a serious expression which didn’t suit him. He tucked a whisp of hair behind his ear then spoke. “That is the third cut I have noticed this week. Is there anything you would like to talk about? Or perhaps, would you care to explain how they got there?” Pan stared into space, trying to think of an excuse. She could think of no reason as to why the cut on her arm went in a perfect ring round it. There was no natural thing that did that. “I have nothing to say.” She said in a monotonous voice, staring at nothing in particular.
“Are you sure? There’s definitely nothing troubling you?” Professor B. persisted.
“Nothing.” Pan replied in the same monosyllabic voice. Professor Blake let out a sigh and stood up. “I shall be right back. Please take a seat, I won’t be a moment.” Blake said seriously as he got to his feet and left the room. Pandora sat down on a small wooden chair, like a small dining chair. After a while of her twirling her cane, Blake came back into the room and he was closely followed by Professor Rogers, a math’s teacher.
Blake began to speak. “I have brought in a witness for what I am about to say. As the school’s Student Protection Officer, I have to ask you how those cuts got there and your honesty will make this a lot easier.”
“It is irrelevant how they got there.” Pan replied, “I reached my hand into a long tin can and the top did this.” She lied, shrugging slightly.
“Pandora, I need to ask as a school policy whether or not you did this to yourself.” Blake said at last in a severe tone of voice.
“No.” Pan lied in a simple voice, picking up her cane. “I am going now.” She added as she headed towards the door. “Okay, but I will be watching you from now on Pandora. This is a very serious issue.” Professor B. said with a minute wave goodbye to Pandora. He obviously didn’t believe a thing she had said.

Pandora got off the school bus and limped towards her house. It was a 3 floored detached house painted a sickly light pink colour on the outside with a yellow roof. Pandora hated it. She wished it could be redecorated but that was not an option. Pan felt inside her pockets and finally found her key. She opened the door and hobbled inside. She took off her coat, walked into the front room and thinking she was home alone; she walked over to the liquor cabinet and poured herself a large drink. Her mum worked as a gym instructor so was never really home during the day much to Pan’s relief. She wouldn’t be back for hours. Pan figured that Derek was out at the shops or something as she couldn’t see him and he hadn’t greeted her yet. She drank the rest of the glass in one and set it down on the counter by the cabinet. She limped over to the sofa and collapsed onto it. She lay down and hugged a cushion tightly. She cried silently as she thought about how pathetic her life had become. She had barely been lying there for 2 minutes when Derek walked into the room. “Sorry, didn’t hear you come in, I was making… Are you okay?” he asked pitifully, looking round for a stool to sit on when he noticed the empty glass on the counter. “Well, it has been a bad day then, eh?” he tutted his disapproval but did not press the issue any further. He just took the evidence into the kitchen and put it in the dishwasher. He returned to the room and decided to sit on the floor by Pandora’s head. “Tell me about it.” He said softly, Derek was a good listener and he sat quietly as Pan told him about her lunch time although “forgetting” to mention the pills as she was not supposed to be taking them. “Do you want me to complain to your school?” Derek asked seriously.
“No thanks, I’m not a snitch and the school already knows that I’m getting hassle from them. There would be no point.” Pandora explained honestly, shrugging slightly. Derek was about to say something when he noticed the bandage. “What happened to your arm?” he asked curiously. “Oh, nothing, it was an accident.” Pan said convincingly.
“Okay, well I better change the bandage for you otherwise it’ll get infected, it looks like it could be already.” He said simply, going out into the kitchen to get the medical kit.
Derek cut the bandage off of Pandora’s arm and cleaned the dry blood away. “Pandora, this cut is not only straight, it’s a perfect circle. This was no accident; you did this, didn’t you?” He said in shock, staring at the cuts. Pandora had been sitting so the bandage could be changed and when Derek said this, she buried her face in her hands, crying hard. “I’m so sorry!” she wept, her voice was weak from emotions such as guilt but also fear. Derek grabbed Pandora by the shoulders and hugged her tightly. “It’s okay, It’ll be fine, don’t worry.” He whispered as he tried to calm her down. “Please don’t tell mum!” Pan cried in fear as to what would happen if she were to find out.
“I won’t, not if you don’t want me to.” Derek muttered, continuing to hug Pan. He was quite chubby but young and had thick brown hair with a side fringe that kind of looped. He reminded Pan of a large puppy-dog.
“Thank you.” Pandora replied in relief. After a while, Derek let go of Pan and looked at her, “are you okay now?” he asked simply. He was not very clever after all. Pandora nodded and wiped her eyes. Derek got up and poured himself a tiny drink which he drank in one go before turning to Pan. “I’ve talked to you about this, we’ve had this discussion. You can’t keep doing this, I mean it Pan.” He said seriously as Pan remembered when Derek had walked into her room while she was mid-cut and freaked out at her. “I couldn’t help it; it’s just one of those things.” Pan tried to explain hopelessly. “I thought you’d stopped all that stuff?” Derek said in confusion. “I did, but sometimes…I don’t know, things get on top of you and you look for a way out of your own emotional pain by creating pain physically.” Pandora admitted, Derek was about to retort when there was a sound, it was like someone was trying to kick the door in. Derek went to answer it while Pan just lay down again.
The door opened and Derek walked in and pushing past him was a furious mother of Demmi. “That kid’s a psycho! She should be locked up!” she shouted at Pan who just lay there, not responding to the abuse. “All the kids talk about her. How weird she is. You don’t have any friends so you take it out on those who do! You just sit there; you don’t talk to anyone because you are a freak!” She continued to shout. Derek had enough. “Hey! I can’t tolerate this, please leave my house.” He said firmly. Mrs Finn was a short, overweight woman with 2 chins and no neck. Like a face on a beanbag. She was older than Derek by about 20 years and was rather ugly. She turned to Derek and started yelling at him. “She’s a right little druggie as well. She just sits there, popping pills all day! I saw her at the school play. She was taking them like they were life supporting!” She had done it; she had told Derek that Pan was back on the sleeping pills she had been addicted to for years. Derek was insulted by her and got angry. “Get out of my house!” he yelled, red faced and glaring. Mrs Finn pointed at Pan, “you just better watch your back!” she threatened before turning and marching from the premises.